Can we have too much romance? I’ve had the Paul McCartney song about “silly love songs” in my head for a week, rattling around. It won’t leave me alone. My husband tells me that I have an earworm. But, really, I have to believe there are people out there that would answer the question with a yes. I feel sad for these people. In my world, romance is what makes life worth living.
Now, there is such a thing as having unreasonable expectations. And we can put the blame for that squarely on Plato. Plato? you ask. Yes, that guy way back in the golden age of Greece when all those thinkers were espousing their ideas, and in Plato’s case, ideals. He came up with the idea that there were two perfect lovers, ideal lovers if you will, who were split in two. Ever since one half is always in search of his/her other half for fulfillment. And people bought the idea. And they passed it down the generations until we have things like movies perpetuating it.
I believe in romance whole-heartedly. I don’t, however, believe there is only one person “out there” who can fulfill me, make me whole. Surely, in a world with nearly seven billion people, there’s more than one person who could make me happy. What I believe in is finding one person out of the people we meet that makes my heart happy. And then, when the sparks inevitably die down and everyday routine takes over, we hold onto them, treasure them, and keep the romance alive.
Now you may disagree with me, and that’s your right, but hear me out. Let’s say you’re a woman reading this. You found the man you thought was Mr. Perfect. He made your heart flutter, you felt lighter than air when he held you in his arms. You waited by the phone for his next call.
But that was twenty years ago. Now, you see the real person. No hiding the fact that he snores all night, doesn’t help with the dishes, or would rather watch a ball game than talk to you about your horrible day. How do you keep the romance alive in a situation like that?
You have a few choices. You can demand that he pay attention to you. You can dress up and hope he notices. Some people resort to playing games to make him jealous. (Not a good idea, by the way.) Or, you can pay attention to him. What’s changed? He’s complacent. That’s what. So how do you rekindle the fire? There are a million people with a million or more answers to that. My question to you is, what’s your part?
Do you tell him that you love him often? Do you thank him for the things he does do to help with the yard? Around the house? With the kids? Do you call him during his day to tell him you miss him? Do you watch a game with him once in a while, to show you’re interested in what he likes?
I took a Dale Carnegie course once upon a time. We were given the task of doing something with our loved one that would be unexpected and evaluate the response. We were supposed to pick an activity we normally shunned, but that our significant other either liked to do or dreaded. I chose to help detail his car. When he went outside to work on it, I suggested we do it together. He was pleasantly surprised. While we worked, I cracked a few jokes and praised his skills. He LOVED it.
The thing I want to tell you about though is the responses I got when I went back to my class to report on my activity. The men in the group sat with their mouths open while I told my story. They came up to me afterward, one at a time, saying they would be shocked if their wives or girlfriends did something like that. Shocked mind you.
What that tells me is that we can’t give up, even if he grows complacent. If we keep the spark in our hearts, there’s a much better chance that he will keep his burning. It won’t work every time. Some people aren’t compatible. I’m not saying I can solve the divorce rate AT ALL. I’m just saying, keep trying. And start before you have too much resentment built up. Maybe he’s not the perfect other-half you dreamed of, but he’s human. Most people respond to love and affection much better than upset and complaining.
If you keep your fires burning, your chances are better that he will respond accordingly. If he doesn’t and you’re done trying, well, there are lots of fishes in the sea. And sometimes we don’t need to go fishing. It can be better to be alone. Even if that’s your choice, don’t live without romance in your life. Give it to yourself if you must. Buy flowers, paint a room a romantic shade you love, read romance books, take yourself on a trip. You don’t have to wait for someone to bring romance into your life.
What do you think? Am I way off here? Do you agree? Let me know!
